If you have Herpes, do you need to stop having oral sex with your partner?

Find out with Cathy Vartuli from http://www.TheIntimacyDojo and Reid Mihalko and http://www.ReidAboutSex.com.

Cathy: Hi guys! My wife has HSV 2 but I don’t I don’t have one or two we’ve been 30 years. I kinda wish I could get infected because I miss giving her oral sex please keep up the good work. This is Reid Mihalko from http://www.ReidAboutSex.com/

Reid: Cathy Vartuli from http://www.TheIntimacyDojo.com/

Cathy: Thank you so much for writing in that’s really beautiful and vulnerable and my question is if you wish you get infected so that you can have oral sex with her again have you talk your doctor about if there’s contraindications like you have a suppress immune system it might be better not to but a lot of people choose to have oral sex with HSV 1 or 2 and their fine. It doesn’t mean you can’t get it the risk of transmission of oral sex is relatively low but it also like if you want the connection with your wife it maybe that it’s something you want to do it anyway.

Reid: So again were no doctors and we don’t play on television or the internet. What am I going to say is start with what you need to feel emotionally safe and what you need physically safe? The physically safe part is you going to need to do some research on so http://www.cdc.gov/ has some great information about herpes and risks and some things like that which really great to understand is that HSV1 and 2 are not fatal while some people presents in the population it is a smaller percentage has really bad outbreaks, really painful outbreaks and has them frequently that again is a small percentage of society. If you’re one of those people my heart goes out to you I have herpes1 I’ve never had an outbreak that I’ve known of so I’m just one of those lucky people who never seems to have any outbreaks. When you’re not having an outbreaks you can still expose people to HSV1 and 2 if you have it they could still get it from you. What we know for certain when you’re having an outbreak that’s when not to stick your face on an outbreak or genitals on an outbreak because then people could definitely “contagious” what’s called them around shedding so again risk are lower when somebody is not having an outbreak but it’s not perfect nothing in life is perfect. Herpes is not fatal it can be pain in the butt literally coz you can get herpes around your butt hole and it’s highly stigmatized in our culture and our society. If somebody has it and they’re worried of giving it to you then it might keep them in their head the whole time and then can’t enjoy the pleasure that you’re trying to give them.

Cathy: And there’s some medication you can give them like they could talk to the doctor about potentially reduces the risk of shedding.

Reid: There’s a lot more possibility for empowerment and having your agency for you and your partner find this sweets spot where you both can pleasure each other. You can use dental dams and saran wrap so you can still have your face down there use lube in the saran wrap on the dental dam on the side that goes on the side of the vulva. You can use condoms in penises and stuff like that but it doesn’t cover the nuts so again you can get sex geeky and finds some ways to create safety in a way that is reasonable for both of you and you might still get expose, you still might get it. Hopefully you’ll have more knowledge and you won’t feel like an end of the world.

Cathy: We hope this helps thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing this questions with us and I think that you’ve been married 30 years it’s really important to talk about what options are before making decisions about what would be fulfilling for both of you.

Reid: And there’s bunch of other videos we’ve don’t in herpes coz people have lots of questions so maybe you and your partner sit down and kind of watch all of them not to give you herpes overload but to understand there’s a lot for people to have fulfilling, thriving lives and be HSV1 or HSV2 positive.

Cathy: We hope this helps leave comments below.