If I Lust In My Mind… Am I Committing Adultery?

If I Lust In My Mind… Am I Committing Adultery?

Reid: Trigger warning. There’s Bible quote coming’.

Cathy: Yeah, we get a lot of comments, we love the comments and this. Comment with questions you guys sent in. Someone said, but I say unto you that whoever looketh other woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. So he felt like we were talking about…just us talking about it is wrong.

Reid: Okay. What’s.. What was the video we’re talking about?

Cathy: We’re talking about Desire.

Reid: Okay.

Cathy: Desire in people and we have said in the video that.. by the way this is Reid Mihalko from http://ReidAboutSex.com/

Reid: Cathy Vartuli from http://TheIntimacyDojo.com/ and again like. We don’t, I don’t we get bible quotes before?

Cathy: This is the first bible quote.

Reid: this is the first Bible quote we’ve gotten, and again like I said trigger warning in a certain way being funny but if you really want to geek out on what a trigger warning is and why that‘s a serious thing, we will leave in the links. A link to a good definition for trigger warning, I don’t mean to be disrespectful but this is an interesting situation, because we also have a lot of geeky people who follow us who are not into bible quotes.

Cathy: Right, well we’re sex positive and people come here feeling like oh I can relax, this is a sex positive space

Reid: Yeah and now we’re thrown bible quotes.

Cathy. A judgmental bible quote

Reid: And we also have a lot of followers who were highly spiritual highly religious, lots of different religions and I’m saying no bible quotes. I’m just saying this is just interesting. It’s been 400 and whatever videos we’ve done. This is the first time we had somebody throw a bible quote.

Cathy: Right

Reid: But that’s not we were here to talk about. Let’s talk about lusting.

Cathy: Yes so we talked in the video about Desire and how was it is okay to desire people and desire is a fun thing and read about not just always to act on it but this person is saying that…even desire someone in your heart, you’ve already committed adultery, you’ve broken a commandment or an agreement. So I looked up the definition of lust coz I’m geeky that way…

Reid: Okay.

Cathy: So according to Miriam Webster, lust is a strong feeling of sexual desire.

Reid: Okay.

Cathy: So There are times… I admit I have lusted after people in my life.

Reid: You had a picture of Leonardo DiCaprio on your computer a second ago

Cathy: Yes, according to the spam email that I gotten it said that he was advocating a pill to enhance certain anatomical features.

Reid: While he was holding his Oscar which is subtle by the way.

Cathy: Yes, very subtle. So we as humans have feelings.

Reid: Now I just wonder if you know Leonardo DiCaprio has actually named his penis Oscar.

Cathy: Oh wow.

Reid: That would be awesome. I think I have to do that or name my penis Leonado DiCaprio…Leonardo I apologize if you’re watching.

Cathy: His friend.

Reid: Back to the bible.

Cathy: so..

Reid: So lust, definition of lust.

Cathy: Yeah, so I think that. So this is my personal opinion, I think that a lot of religion has been geared towards shaming or sexuality and making us feel shame and bad about ourselves and our feelings because it is a wonderful way to control humans. If I convince you that you’re wrong and shameful you’re going to much more likely do whatever I say and give up your power and not speak up for yourself.

Reid: if you’re spending all this time fighting your own urges and trying to control something that might be natural like if we had made…pooing, a bad thing like he..

Cathy: Oh there’s a certain amount of shame associated with that?

Reid: Well but…I mean, with fecal matter and stuff like that but like let’s say the bible had a quote about that ’Thou shall not poo”

Cathy: Yeah, we have to.

Reid: Yeah I mean that would be really tricky within.

Cathy: yeah so I think that humans have sexual desires that we find people attractive and even if we were in a committed monogamous relationship where you have agreed not to act on it there’s courts do not have..legally you’re not, you’re not liable for any wrongdoing if you have thoughts or feelings. We don’t really can control our thoughts just a certain extent we don’t necessarily control how we feel about things. Some of it is just who we are. So to have…to be ashamed of having feelings or sexual desire towards someone. I think that’s actually what Reid and I do the mo- , that’s what we’re trying to counter that to let people feel embrace their sexuality and make conscience choices about how they act on them.

Reid: Yeah and con- certain situation your feelings and thoughts can be kind of creepy so what I would just referring this some kind of like jiu jitsuing the bible quote, right, if this whole thing is predicated, there are people who are much smarter than me who I learned the stuff from, too many for me to credit but the idea of one like thought of like religion as a means of controlling and the easiest way of control people is to get them to mistrust their bodies and to feel ashamed of their desires, right? Other situation around lust and that you will not be able to control your sexuality, that your sexuality is so powerful or so sinful as to not be able to be controlled now we can talk about teenagers and not having fully formed prefrontal cortex and so like trying to navigate the world as you’re in a hormone bath of you know going through puberty and not having any impulse control, we can talk about how, you know for teenagers, you know they can’t control themselves but let’s just say hey as adults people over 22, 24 we have prefrontal cortex fully formed for most people that means you have impulse control in a way you never had it before, let’s say that adults can control themselves and that when you can control yourself around sexuality then you can enjoy lustful thinking and it’s not going to turn you in sociopath. From that perspective which is a perspective we do not talk about in culture and the bible doesn’t say Oh hey by the time when you’re 25 go for it, take all those lustful thoughts that you have for Leonardo DiCaprio and his Oscar and then bring it home to your wife. We don’t talk about it like that and so everything gets…just white washed or painted over with all the shame and then people don’t have self-expression again, they’re broken and then things just get weird.

Cathy: Yeah, I think a lot of the fear on sexuality comes if we were pressed it really hard to spread out sometimes in weird ways versus okay I get it, everybody has feelings like this. We can normalize it. It doesn’t have to be so scary. I can. You know I don’t have to like build up all this pressure.

Reid: We can teach people how to have fully formed nuanced delicious fantasy lives that don’t pull them out of reality but allow them to use their fantasy and their desire to add creativity into their world like letting your own fantasies not be something that you fear but something that you embrace in a way where you, use them to feel your creativity and passion and we don’t talk about that either in some ways because if you’re even thinking about someone else or something else you’ve committed an adultery to sin and so how would we have these tools and hopefully are working…work of our peers is opening things up for people where they can be like Oh my God I have this fantasy and I love you but it’s about pirates and you’re not one of the pirates.

Cathy: Honey here’s an eye patch, would you wear it tonight?

Reid: Why don’t you call me Leonardo? Leave a comment below and thanks for the bible quote too that was actually pretty awesome.